


Detour Above Coruscant

by handschuhmaus



Category: Doctor Who (1963), LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga, Star Wars - All Media Types, The LEGO Movie (2014)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Dooku narrates, Gen, I swear Chancellor Palpatine is useless in-game, Qui-Gon does not want your awkward Skywalker family reunion, getting a lego brick stuck to your foot, no 11-4D is not a character in the game but I like Fourdee anyway, poor treatment of droids, that demmed impractical metal bikini, the impermanance of in-game death, useless disguises
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-03 07:58:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1737161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handschuhmaus/pseuds/handschuhmaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>En route to Cloud-Cuckoo Land, Emmet and Co. make an unscheduled detour to the <em>Invisible Hand</em>, where Dooku and Sideous are presently engaged in rescuing an earlier version of the latter from another version of the former, Luke is wearing a completely useless disguise, and there are strange aliens...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Detour Above Coruscant

**Author's Note:**

> ...you can thank LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga for getting me into Star Wars properly in the first place, several years after seeing the movies. This fic references several in-game occurrences, at least as they've happened to me. 
> 
> This interlude on the _Invisible Hand_ is set on a part of the level "Chancellor in Peril", which is the second level of Episode III. You can, in fact, on free play (I've done it at least twice) play through this level primarily with Dooku and the Emperor, although the fight with Dooku can get a little confusing visually when you are pitting him against himself. I suppose you _could_ do it with "Chancellor Palpatine" but, as pointed out here, he won't own up to his powers and isn't armed, so is pretty useless. He looks funny hopping around, though. At least he doesn't cackle all the time. 
> 
> (You can't get the Skywalker family and Qui-Gon to randomly appear though--that was in the cantina; nor can you accompany your two free play characters with an additional astromech.)
> 
> I've only seen the LEGO movie once, and not written for it before, so I've probably not got those characters well characterized. And Doctor Who will come in shortly, in the next installment.

"You're completely useless!" the Emperor exclaims, glaring at his counterpart, who is hopping around uselessly.

Dooku is about ready to apply palm to face, because not only is Palpatine arguing with himself--or rather Sideous--how should he phrase that? there is a droid mysteriously stuck on a platform high above them, complaining that it has no idea how to deal with the situation, and, of all things, Qui-Gon Jinn is standing awkwardly behind them, not managing to get a word in edgewise between the ravings of Sideous and the black masked figure he thinks is Anakin Skywalker, somehow, engaged in threatening some Hutt over the appearance of his... daughter? in a completely impractical metal bikini. To add to the chaos, Tyranus's Zabrak predecessor is hopping around quite as uselessly as Sideous's harmless-politician counterpart, albeit with better reason, for there is a 2x2 Lego stuck to his foot, and all his efforts to remove it have met with no success.

Two other members of Skywalker's family (? bizarre--did the Chosen One have _that_ little regard for the rules of the Jedi Order?) are present as well, the son garbed in ill-fitting clone trooper garb, for which he is too short, and a Naboo who appears to be Skywalker's wife--and former queen--Amidala, equally irate at the impractical garment.

Of course, technically Sideous's complaint about his resolutely harmless Chancellor persona is quite valid; Palpatine is quite unarmed and is doing nothing more helpful than hopping about in an unlikely manner for one of his years. Why no one seems to notice the incongruously spry nature of the politician, Yan couldn't say, though it may be that everyone else is focused on other matters: how useless Palpatine is being (Sideous), Skywalker's daughter's impractical metal bikini (Vader and Co.), the precarious and bizarre position of the individual in question (that droid) and how to remove an errant piece from one's foot (Maul). 

Yet they are hampered here not by family matters, disuse of one's foot, stranded droids, or even Palpatine's uselessness, but by the current inability of their astromech to continue along the obvious path, blocked as it is by a tall protruding beam that thwarts the astromech's hover capabilities but not the Chancellor's nimbleness.

"I am the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic," the earlier Palpatine preens, hop-skipping along the irritating beam. The Emperor, who is staring at him, lets out another cackle--it seems to be some sort of tic he cannot help, and idly makes an attempt at manipulating the neighboring machinery with the Force. A loud noise results, though seemingly _not_ from the effects of his efforts.

"Whoa, what's going on here?" a female voice says, and Dooku looks up to spot a strange trio--no, quartet--that have burst through the wall right behind the stranded droid. There is not space enough on the platform, which has no railings, for droid _and_ the newcomers. The party consists of a young woman with bright streaks in her hair that match her hoodie, an elderly fellow who appears to be a blind wizard, a construction worker of some sort, and a masked figure wearing more black than Sideous (but not more than Skywalker's armored alter ego).

"I'll fix it!" the construction worker exclaims, jumping down to the droid, which, upon falling off the platform, has broken into pieces. The droid being relatively uncomplicated, he manages this after only two false starts, one of which saw its feet attached facing the wrong way relative to its head. Immediately thereafter, he backs up to survey his work and bumps into Maul, who knocks over their troublesome astromech as well. His companions look on with varying measures of disapproval, especially the black masked one. They do, however, descend from the platform with rather more grace than the droid.

"No!" both versions of Palpatine exclaim in involuntary dismay, prompting them to glare at each other. "Where is he?" the Emperor asks, in a tone of dread, before emitting another of those worrying maniacal cackles.

The droid adjusts its optical sensors and peers around before answering, "I cannot ascertain the whereabouts of Magister Damask at this time, sir."

Both Palpatines sigh relievedly and are once more irritated at their like actions. "One-one Fourdee," the Emperor addresses it, "how did you get here?"

While the droid elaborates unnecessarily loquaciously on how this information seems absent from its databanks, Qui-Gon approaches his former master, warily regarding the Zabrak, who, Dooku belatedly recalls, had killed him once. "Do you know what's going on here?" his once Padawan inquires quietly, glancing pointedly at the still irritated Skywalkers. Now the one in the clone armor is talking to their astromech, a waste of time if you asked Yan, which no one had.

Before the Jedi-turned-Sith can even compose a reply, another unwelcome interruption comes in the form of a sort of strange police speeder bursting into the room through the wall in the same place, thankfully alighting on the inconvenient beam instead of plummeting into the abyssal depths of the ship. Unfortunately, this also puts far more weight on the beam, and Dooku, not being well-versed in structural strength or even capable of discerning the composition of the beam, is unsure whether it will snap, bend, or simply overbalance and fall into the depths.

"See," comments the construction worker to no one in particular, though he is glancing around at, among others, a chagrined Palpatine, as he speaks, "I'm not actually a Master Builder, and I don't know my way around, and I may have just gotten us captured! I'm Emmet, by the way," he says to the assembled Sith and assorted other notable persons.

"Wyldstyle," the girl in the hoodie notifies them coolly.

"Batman," introduces the masked black figure whose suit's motif does, Dooku decides, resemble a bat. "And aren't we a little off course?" Wyldstyle, if that is her name, shushes him.

"Son," says the fourth figure, the wizard. He then seems to notice everyone looking expectantly at him, as it seems an unlikely name for a wizard. He sighs, "I'm Vetruvius, and Emmet is The Special." Dooku can hear the majuscules snap into place.

"He's not even a Master Builder--" Wyldstyle protests. It would seem to be a sore subject.

"Yet," Vetruvius counters in calm, honeyed tones.

"You have the Piece of Resistance," a voice from the police speeder announces, interrupting the wizard. Another, slightly different voice--and, upon consideration, the individual both remind Dooku of is literally right in front of him: Qui-Gon Jinn--informs them, "You will not be harmed if you surrender."

"Piece of Resistance?!" Chancellor Palpatine exclaims indignantly, though Tyranus can tell it is entirely affect. He is gearing up for some speech.

"Yeah," Wyldstyle cuts in, "it's the only thing that can stop the kragle." There is a hint of resentment in her voice, almost reminding Dooku of Anakin Skywalker, and he wonders at the cause of it. 

The conversation, explanation, whatever it is, is interrupted yet again by the sounds of Batman gasping and writing about, trying to avoid asphyxiation by Vader's Force-choke. The Emperor glares at the imposing Sith, and Vader reluctantly drops the superhero to the decking.

Wyldstyle turns on him, irritated, asking "Were you gawking at Princess Leia _again_? That is the--"

"No," Batman rasps, as Emmet looks on a bit ruefully, "actually I was wondering how his disguise was supposed to work now that he lost his helmet."

All turned as one, except Maul, who was still trying to pry the Lego off his foot, to see an indeed helmetless Skywalker--Luke, if Dooku recalled correctly--looking sheepishly around. 

"How is that disguise supposed to work here, anyway?" Amidala demanded. "This is a Separatist ship."

Before anyone could answer, yet another of the increasingly frequent interruptions caused everyone to turn back the other way. Under any other circumstances, Dooku might have been glad to see General Grievous, but the cyborg is accompanied by two strange aliens he cannot ascertain the purpose of (in any case they resemble Sheelal's species not at all) and a handful of combat droids...

**Author's Note:**

> ...as this was written longhand (ahhh! unusual; I'm trying something different.) and then typed up, I may have introduced some typos. Sorry about that. 
> 
> I do have some more written, but it doesn't really lend itself to a good stopping point, plus it's not typed up yet.


End file.
